Anyone who’s worked in care knows there are moments that really test you. Whether you’re supporting a child, young person, or adult, you’ll sometimes face behaviour that’s difficult, unpredictable, or even aggressive.
Staying calm in those moments isn’t about ignoring the behaviour — it’s about staying steady and showing the person they’re safe.
We often call it challenging behaviour, though some services now use phrases like behaviours that challenge or distressed behaviour to focus on the behaviour rather than the person. Either way, it’s usually a form of communication — a way of showing fear, frustration, or an unmet need.
Here are some things that have helped me and those we support who work in social care to stay calm and keep situations under control:
1. Look for the ‘Why’
Every behaviour has a reason. It might not make sense in the moment, but there’s always something behind it — pain, anxiety, or simply a need to feel in control.
Before reacting, try to pause and ask yourself:
“What is this person really trying to tell me?”
Seeing behaviour as communication instead of confrontation makes it easier to stay patient and respond thoughtfully.
2. Control What You Can — Yourself
You can’t control someone else’s emotions, but you can control your own.
- Keep your tone calm and even.
- Take slow, deep breaths.
- Watch your body language — stay open and relaxed.
Often the calmer you stay, the quicker the person settles too.
3. Keep It Simple
When emotions are running high, less is more. Speak slowly, quietly, and use short sentences:
“Let’s take a break.” “I’m here to help.”
Long explanations or arguing back only make things worse.
4. Step Back When Needed
If things are escalating, sometimes the best thing you can do is step back — give space, or let a colleague take over if you’re getting wound up (as you will sometimes). Recognising your own limits isn’t weakness, it’s professionalism.
5. Reflect Afterwards
After a tough situation, try not to dwell on it. Instead, reflect:
- What worked?
- What could you do differently next time?
This will help you to learn and build confidence, so you’re better prepared for the next challenging moment.
6. Look After Yourself
Care work takes a lot out of you. Make sure to take breaks where you can, talk things through with your team, and not bottle things up. Staying calm for others starts with taking care of yourself first.
7. Be Consistent
Consistency is key. People feel safer when staff handle situations in a predictable way. Mixed messages can make things worse, so be sure to stick to agreed approaches and keep communication clear.
Final Thought
Challenging behaviour is tough, but it’s also where your patience, empathy, and professionalism make the biggest difference. Staying calm shows the people we support that they can trust you, even when things feel messy.
It’s often in these moments — as hard as they are — where real progress begins.
